did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
