On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My feet surprised me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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