I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
