I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
