I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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