Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
