And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
