she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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