she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
