My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
