so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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