Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize