Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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