They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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