I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
