i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
