i just had sex bonerless
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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