Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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