Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
