I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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