First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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