definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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