well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
