remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
