my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
