I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
