Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
