But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
