I want to walk on stilts...naked
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize