He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize