you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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