sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
