She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
