looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
