is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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