Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We left an ass print on the piano.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
