It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
