My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
