You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
