Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
