i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
