She is in my trunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
