i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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