yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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