yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
