we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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