woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize