apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
