she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize