The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
