The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
