Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
