so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
