I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
