my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize