were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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