In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
