i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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