So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
