I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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