My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
