Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
