last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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