Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
